


Ace of Hearts

by noirsparker



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Crush, Internalized Homophobia, Kohaku punches a mirror, M/M, Pining, Platonic Kissing, Rinne makes a bad pun, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirsparker/pseuds/noirsparker
Summary: Where had the sudden sinking feeling come from? It was just another thing to add to a list of strange symptoms he'd been experiencing recently, though he'd noticed something... curious about them. He only seemed to experience them in relation to Aira. The empty, almost nauseous feeling whenever they said goodbye; the quickened heartbeat and shortened breath when the other boy touched him- even just putting a hand on his shoulder sent him into a frenzy- the way his cheeks would heat up when he smiled; the ever stranger urge to cry when Aira called him his 'best friend'. It was all too much, and he couldn't explain it if he tried, though he so desperately wanted to.
Relationships: (implied) HiMERU/Shiina Niki, Oukawa Kohaku/Shiratori Aira
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this for a good two weeks and I finally finished chapter one ^^ Kohaira live rent free, yall.

_...Why?_ That was all Kohaku could think as he turned his phone over in his hand, the same action he'd been repeating for the past 20 minutes. Why did he feel this way? Where had the sudden sinking feeling come from? It was just another thing to add to a list of strange symptoms he'd been experiencing recently, though he'd noticed something... curious about them. He only seemed to experience them in relation to Aira. The empty, almost nauseous feeling whenever they said goodbye; the quickened heartbeat and shortened breath when the other boy touched him- even just putting a hand on his shoulder sent him into a frenzy- the way his cheeks would heat up when he smiled; the ever stranger urge to cry when Aira called him his 'best friend'. It was all too much, and he couldn't explain it if he tried, though he so desperately wanted to.

He scrunched his eyes up as he turned his phone back on, needing a moment to adjust to the lighting change. No new notifications. His disappointment was silly, really, considering Aira had said goodnight to him half an hour ago, but he still felt his heart sink a little, his mood drop lower. What the hell was wrong with him? When had his friendship with Aira become... whatever this was? This inability to stop thinking about him, the way he missed him when they weren't talking- he couldn't shake it and he couldn't explain it, and it was pissing him off. Kohaku sighed. Maybe he could sleep it off? 

....

He couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned for an hour, enough that Jun actually got down from his bunk at one point to tell him to stop, and still nothing. He wondered if it was too late to get some practice in, if a little physical exertion would wear him out enough that he could finally get some rest. It was worth a shot, right? As long as the practice rooms weren't locked. It was a little past midnight, after all. 

Kohaku was surprised to arrive at the practice room Crazy:B usually used and find not one, but all three of his unit mates there. Granted, Rinne was lying in the corner shuffling cards and Niki was next to him eating what he thought might be a protein bar, but still. Were they always here this late?

"Hey, Kohaku-chan! Trouble sleepin'?"  
"Somethin' like that." He dropped his bag on a bench a few feet from the door, eager to just crack on, but HiMERU had stopped when Rinne had made his presence known, and he wasn't thrilled by the idea of all of them sitting around watching him practice.  
"Something on your mind?"  
"I... yeah, actually. Uh, what does it mean if ya can't stop thinkin' 'bout somebody? Like, if it's keepin' ya up at night an' all, cause ya just can't get 'em outta your head?" Rinne sat up like a shot, a dangerously curious look on his face, as both Niki and HiMERU turned their attention to the conversation.  
"Well, how do they make you feel?"  
"Weird, I guess? What's that got ta do with anythin', though?" HiMERU held a hand up to stop Rinne from saying whatever he planned to next, a gesture Kohaku was grateful for. He could never tell if the man actually wanted to help or if he just wanted to tease him.  
"HiMERU thinks specifics may help."  
"Well... my heart speeds up like crazy around 'em, an' I hate it when they call me their friend. At first, I thought maybe I didn't like 'em anymore, ya know? But I sorta feel sad when they say goodbye, too." He wasn't used to showing this kind of vulnerability around anyone, and he worried for a minute that they were just having him on, that they'd laugh and tell him it was nothing and he'd never live down letting them in. Until-  
"Sounds to me like you're in love." His eyes shot to Niki, who was crumpling up the wrapper of his protein bar like he hadn't just turned Kohaku's whole world around with a sentence.  
"Like I'm what?" A high pitched hyena laugh filled the room.  
"I gotta agree with Niki-kun here, Kohaku-chan! Sounds exactly like that. So, what's her name?"  
"Of course you'd assume it's a girl, Amagi." Rinne directed an eyebrow raise and an amused smirk at HiMERU.  
"You think he's gay?"  
"Would there be an issue if I was?" His blood ran cold when he said it. He hated the way they were looking at him, like they definitely thought he was now. He wasn't even sure, really. He'd never thought about it before. But now he was faced with the concern that they'd throw him out of the unit if he realised he was, and he hated how anxious it made him feel.  
"Don't be silly, Kohaku-chan, I'm not exactly the straightest guy out there." Kohaku could've sworn Niki and HiMERU had exchanged a look when he'd said that, though he couldn't tell what it meant.

Rinne jumped to his feet, his signature annoying grin crossing his face, and started looking through his cards. After a few moments, he cheered quietly and pulled one out, handing it to Kohaku face down.  
"Follow your heart, Kohaku-chan." He turned it over and rolled his eyes. The ace of hearts.  
"That was bad, Rinne-han. Even for you. But... thanks." The subject seemed to be dropped, Rinne plopping down and going back to shuffling his now 51 card deck; Niki pulling another protein bar out of seemingly thin air; HiMERU nodding to him silently as he pressed play on the speaker, and Kohaku falling into place next to him, glad to have some kind of distraction from the thing he'd been thinking about all night. This, at least, felt normal, even if everything else was up in the air right now. 

A few hours later he lay back in his bunk, the small dark space yet again feeling oppressive. His trip to the practice room had left him feeling more awake than before, and though they hadnt spoken about it again, questions ran amock through his mind. His hands weren't still either, unable to stop himself from fiddling. This time, though, the thing he turned over was paper rather than electronic. As he stared at the card, his mind drifted back to Aira. That didn't mean anything, right? Heart was his suit, after all, the one on his uniform and- who was he kidding? He was head over heels for his best friend. _Fuck_.


	2. 'Friendly' Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal movie night turns into... something else- and proves too much for either of the boys to handle. Kohaku's faces conflicting feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Internalised homophobia, injury
> 
> full disclosure i barely proofread this cause its like 5 minutes till i gotta eat and also i lost my glasses sdjhgd

Things were oddly quiet. Normally, being able to follow the plot of the show they were watching was a feat Kohaku would regard as nothing short of a miracle, yet they'd spent the last hour in complete silence. It was worrying him. How would he bring it up, though? Since he'd come to terms with his feelings, he'd been walking on eggshells- terrified he'd slip up and give himself away. He knew that worry was ridiculous, he had far more dangerous secrets under wraps than this one, but he'd be damned if he couldn't shake it. Still, maybe he should try and talk to him? If there really was something wrong, he didn't want to leave Aira to suffer alone. He was in the middle of arguing with himself about it when Aira leant forward and turned the TV down a little.

"Kohakucchi... can I kiss you?" The pink haired boy choked on the handful of jelly babies he had in his mouth, and then again when he hurried to try and swallow them.  
"'scuse me??"  
"Not like... romantically. I just wanna know what it's like, I guess? And you're my best friend! If there's anyone I can ask, it's you, right?" He ignored how much 'best friend' hurt for a moment, turning the proposition over in his mind. On the one hand, now he'd put it like that, wouldn't it be weird to say no? He could think he was hiding something. He _was_ , but he wasn't about to tell him that. But on the other hand, wouldn't it be weirder to say yes, knowing how he feels about him? Aira was expecting this to be completely innocent, unaware that this was something Kohaku thought about in the wee hours, when he couldn't do anything but stare at the planks of the top bunk above him and let his mind run wild. To kiss him 'platonically' given all that felt almost... predatory?   
"Kohakucchi? Are you okay?"  
"Oh, yeah, 'm fine. Wouldn't it be weird if ya kissed me, though?" Kohaku didn't mind that he was curious, but did he have to be _cute_? Scrunching his face up like that. It only made Kohaku feel worse. He shouldn't be thinking this way about his best friend.   
"I don't think so? Girls do it all the time!"  
"Where the hell d'ya hear that?"  
"The Internet! And I think I saw it in a movie?"  
"Ya can't go round believin' everythin' ya see in a movie, Rabu-han."

"Well, why would they put it in then?" He chuckled.  
"You're so gullible. 's cute." Aira pulled a face, looking away. 

"Don't call me cute." Ah, shit. Now he felt even more like a creep.  
"Sorry, sorry. Just sorta slipped out. But I guess if you're really that curious, I can't say no to ya, can I? What kinda friend would I be then?" A good one, he thought, rather than the kind of freak who sits around dreaming about dating his best friend. _The fuck's wrong with me? I'm the worst friend. If he found out... he'd hate me._

Aira stared at him expectantly (Why did he have to take the lead? This wasn't his idea!) and Kohaku decided to bite the bullet and just get it out of the way. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. Not when Aira simply stared at him as he leaned in, until they were inches apart and all he could see were those eyes that had no right being that damn pretty- not when they belonged to somebody so out of his reach.  
"Rabu-han... I think yer meant to shut yer eyes..."  
"Oh... right." Kohaku wanted to laugh as much as he wanted to cry- the adorable way the blond blushed and scrunched his face up was unfair, plain and simple- but he didn't want to risk upsetting him. For a moment, he considered backing out- telling him it was weird and that he'd rather not. He glanced at the drawers next to his bed, mind drifting to the card hidden in the back of the top one. 'Follow your heart' Rinne had said... He wasn't even sure what his heart wanted him to do. Kissing Aira sounded like a dream but... fuck, he didn't want it to be like this. A green eye opened tentatively, and he realised he'd taken too long. He'd already said yes, it was a little to late to back out now. Better to just get it over with.  
"Close yer eyes, dammit." The eye scrunched closed again, and he took a deep breath, heart leaping into his chest as he finally closed the gap. He wasn't sure if he was meant to feel nauseous like this, if it even _was_ nausea, or if his heart was really beating as loud as he thought it was. All at once, Aira pushed forward a little, grabbing onto him for a moment, and pulled back again before Kohaku could even process it. The following seconds were silent, a thick uncertainty filling the air. Neither of them wanted to make eye contact.

"Uhm..." It was clear Aira didn't know what to say, but rather just wanted to break through the awkwardness. Yet again, the younger of the two had to take the lead.  
"Was that... was it alright?" He sounded lame, he knew he did, and if Rinne had been in the room he'd be hyena laughing at him right now. _If Rinne-han was in the room I'd kick him in the stomach_. That concern was quickly put out of his mind by Aira's response.  
"...I don't think we should talk about it." He leaned forward once again, turning the TV back up (louder than it had been before) and pulling his knees to his chest. He didn't look back at Kohaku once, not even when he left, and as much as that hurt, maybe it was a good thing. If he had, he might have noticed the forlorn expression on his face, or the tears he was trying his damn hardest to keep back- to no avail. His heart shattered in its entirety when the door shut with barely even a goodbye exchanged between them. If Aira had been out of his reach before, he was miles away now, and he didn't seem to be looking to come back. Worst of all, when Kohaku laid back in his bunk and tried to sleep, all he could see were those wide green eyes staring back at him.

Perhaps it was the pain he still felt from the night before, the lack of sleep, or the self hatred swirling in his brain. Perhaps it was all three. All he knew was that one moment, he'd been glaring at himself in the mirror, and the next he was sitting on the floor, blood pooling around him as he tried to pick glass out of his knuckles. Jun was quick to grab the first aid kit, and though he voiced no questions, they were more than evident in the glances he shot up at him as he bandaged his hand. Kohaku knew the answers, but he wasn't rushing to share them. He didn't know Jun _that_ well, not well enough to tell him this. How would he even voice it? _"Turns out I'm gay and I'm in love with my best friend and I couldn't bear to look at myself knowing how much of a creep I am for feelin' that way about him." Yeah, that'll go down real well._ At least Jun didn't expect anything from him. He knew he'd have no such luck with his unitmates, and he really wasn't looking forward to that conversation.


End file.
